Why is this happening to me?

I felt his heat beside me all of a sudden and he touched my ankle murmuring 'what happened?' But I pushed him away. I was angry at him out of the blue.

Angry at all this shit happening to me.

Despite my struggles and hits he lifted me up and carried me back to the room. I did cry out for 'HELP' and yelled at him 'Put me down!!' and when I was about to protest.

"Not. A. Single. Word" I felt tears forming in my eyes but kept my mouth shut. He was trying to help me. I knew but I was being a bish.

As I was sitting on the bed fighting back the urge to scream because of immense pain when he was examining my ankle. I bit my lip harshly when he said.

"How did you twist your ankle?" I wanted to lunge out at him but couldn't find the words. My mouth moved but my voice didn't come out. It wasn't his fault, not entirely.

"I hate you" was what I murmured with tears falling down my cheeks. Our eyes stared into each other for way too long. I .. just couldn't pull away.

And I didn't know why I was crying but I was. With hiccups. Maybe it's because I haven't cried for days and am having a session now. I'll be alright I knew but I was hating the fact that he's seeing me crying.

I don't like to be vulnerable in front of anyone. And especially him.

Maybe those were tears of frustration or tears of helplessness, tears of hunger or tears of pain. I'd never know. That's how human emotions are ... complex.

He murmured something while pecking my ankle. Only if I knew what he said. He was gone for a moment while I tried to stand up but ended up tripping and gladly he caught me in time ... yet again.

For the first time I noticed anger in his eyes. His endearing gaze threatened me to the fullest and eyes shooting daggers. I was back on the bed and this time I didn't dare to move.

When he was done with the bandage. Yes I let him do so. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone either way so yeah. When he was done I murmured a 'leave me alone' instead of a 'thank you'

I knew I was basically kicking him out of his own room but I was in a rotten mood right now. Too bad for him. And that bish ignored me.

I glared at him when he lifted me in his arms ... for the nth time now. And yes I hit him on his chest this time harder. "I told you to leave me alone!!" Tears of frustration again rolled out and I was hating this moment.

Are those pre periodic mood swings?

Maybe.

But why can't he just leave me alone for God's sake. I wanna cry out a pool for now and he won't just leave. I know I was looking pathetic with my red nose, tomato face and puffy face.

But I couldn't care less.

He silently tucked me into sheets while I tried to study his actions. He sucked with words that I know. But this special treatment ... I've never received it in about fifteen years so I cried into the sheets when he left.

That brought back old memories. Times when my parents pampered me and I received special treatment even at a scratch. I miss em ... a lott.

They left.

It shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't be Jungkook getting my butterflies. But as strange as it sounds. I'm attracted to him in every way I shouldn't.

And he will leave too.

Just like my parents did. Just like my grandma did. Just like my relatives left me alone. Just like my 'friends' did. They all left me in one way or another.

And I'm afraid if I get closer to him ... he'll leave too.

I silently cried in the sheets for what felt like hours. Mary came with dinner but I had kinda kicked her out too saying

'Leave me alone for now. Please I beg you'

As long as I remember jungkook never came. When my heart felt light and the tightening feeling around my chest had gone.

I slipped out of the sheets limping my way to the mirror and looking at the mess. Me. I looked really awful right now. The anesthesia reactions were somewhat still there and it felt like all my energy had been drained.

When I was about to go towards the restroom to freshen up I felt as if the world around me was shaking. I felt the sticky feeling between my legs with a twist in my stomach.

I tried to shake away the feeling thinking of my anesthesia reactions and rushed to the restroom to check if i had gotten my periods but the time I realised I was losing consciousness .. It was too late.

I remember falling on the ground seeing black fragments in my eyesight and ....

What's happening to me?

To be continued